………….Could I not rush off, would I put aside my plan and could I just hang out? There was nothing my mom loved more than to have her two adult daughters linger after breakfast around her kitchen table. She would still scold us not to lean to heavily on the leaves of the round, worn, wooden table, but when we did make time to linger on  cool summer mornings, all still in our nighties, it made her so happy and us too. In thinking back I hope we indulged her enough.

Our new cabin is just down the long driveway leading from my parents’ house. It is an old Victorian farmhouse that my sister and I inherited along with its’ resident fox, bats in the attic, and a few mice. I feel the ghosts of many long gone relatives, but especially those of my parents. I want them to come out of the door and ring the bell as they did for so many summers when we’d arrive from Chicago. The kids would tumble out and run around the yard like colts. My dad always had cold Leinies for Kevin and we’d head inside to quickly put on our bathing suits and fit in a cooling swim before dinner.

My mom didn’t like that slap of the screen door, but I loved that sound. It said “summer” and so many other things. The mother-daughter relationship is complicated and something I can’t quite put my finger on. My mom and I fought like cats and dogs over my choice of clothing, harmless fads that ranged from go-go boots and hot pants to overalls, clogs and bra-less college years. On the other hand my mom and I were quite similar, with a silly streak that runs deep. We loved similar books, art and music and we never missed an episode of Laugh-In or a Masterpiece Theatre series.

I’ve been listing to a Carly Simon song and it made me think of my mom and how I wished we could sit on the screen porch together with an iced tea and talk about all of my friends, and hers and what everyone is doing. She’d be so amazed and proud of her grandchildren and her little great-grandson.

A bit late for Mother’s Day, but I miss you on all the days. 

“I’ll wait no more for you like a daughter,
that part of our life together is over
but I will wait for you, forever
like a river”

 

Song by Carly Simon 

Painting by Joaquin Sorolla